Dear Professor Brad
This is Harshini Senthilarasu from Robotics Systems. I am
writing to you to introduce myself. I finished my A ‘Levels last year and was
able to clinch a spot at SIT Robotics Systems. Since young, I find myself to be
a hands-on person. However, it was only after A ‘Levels that I truly figured
out my interests. I am interested in programming as it feels like learning a
whole new language. I also picked up an interest in Artificial Intelligence
during the long break I had between junior college and university. Robotics
Systems combines my interests of programming, engineering machines and Artificial
Intelligence, leading me to join this course. Moreover, I believe that my
interest in all the aspects of this degree programme is what make me unique.
Although I am relatively new to this engineering course, I believe that with hard
work and determination I will become an engineer.
One strength I have in communication would be that I can
converse easily with people having learnt English since young as one of my main
languages of communication. I experience this daily when I communicate with my
friends. However, one weakness that I have after living in Singapore for many
years is that I have picked up the lingo and am not able to have a proper
conversation without using colloquial words. Nonetheless, I can identify the
situations that require a proper conversation. Thus, I practice doing so in the
case that when required I am able to have a proper conversation in important
events such as a work interview for example. Therefore, through this Critical
Thinking and Communication module, I aim to practice having more proper
conversations and develop my skills in English, so I can communicate with
others more fluently.
With regards
Harshini Senthilarasu
Hi Harshini,
ReplyDeleteI read your self-introduction and I found it interesting as I was able to get to know more about you and understand your interests in greater detail. My feedback for your self-introduction is given below.
Content: All the required topics has been addressed.
Organization: Topics are distinctly separated into 2 clear paragraphs.
Language accuracy and grammatical errors: Good. "Thus, I practice doing so in the case that when required I am able to have a proper conversation in important events such as a work interview for example". I think "for example" should be mentioned at the start of the sentence.
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ReplyDeleteHi Harsh,
ReplyDeleteI too joined Robotics Systems as I wanted to get some formal education on programming.
I find that the first paragraph is very draggy or not straight to the point. The word "interest" appeared at least 5 times. I feel you could either summarize the first paragraph slightly or change up "interest" with other words.
I personally feel different from Ruth where I think that having only 2 paragraphs makes it cumbersome to read due to the lack of white space
Regards.
Edit* Added criticism for organisation
Dear Harsh,
ReplyDeleteThrough reading your self-introduction, I've learnt new things about you that I've not known which I felt was really refreshing! Though, as great as your organization of your contents were, paraphrasing of the long paragraphs would aid readers in reading as chunky text may affect one's reading experience.
Language used in the formal writing was appropriate however, some parts seemed like they could be joint to form a sentence instead of 2 separated sentences and some could be rephrase for smoother and clearer reading. An example would be
' Nonetheless, I can identify the situations that require a proper conversation. Thus, I practice doing so in the case that when required I am able to have a proper conversation in important events such as a work interview for example.'
I felt that sentence could be rewritten as
'Despite so, I am still able to identify situations that requires formality, such as a work interview.'
That would shorten the length of the sentence while directing readers to your focus. identify situations that requires formality, such as a work interview.
I hope that this will be useful for you and your future writings!
-Clarissa
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ReplyDeleteDear Harsh,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this concise and rather clear letter. You address each of the assignment requirements and do so in a way that shows a little something about who you are. For example, we can see that you are a person who reflects on her own behaviours, whether those are the language she uses in interactions or the direction of her study and future career. I do have a few questions when I read this. What was it about learning programming language that captivated you?
Also, clearly shifting from A Levels to engineering is rather exceptional. What trait of yours made that leap possible? What has been difficult about the shift? What has made the shift enjoyable? (Remember all the decsriptive reflection questions we reviewed in Unit 3?)
Also, you mention that you're a 'hands on' person. How does that trait show itself in what you do each day? When might that be manifested by you in your new course of study?
If there is anything that could enhance this letter it would be you making your assertions -- statements such as "I can converse easily with people" or "my interest in all the aspects of this degree programme is what make me unique" -- more tangible with concrete illustrations, specific examples and explanations.
In terms of language use, there are also a few issues to take note of:
1. verb tense
-- Since young, I find myself to be a hands-on person. > (You need present perfect tense in this case.) ?
2. phrasing/word use
There is some reptition, as one reader commented. You do seem to overuse the word 'interest' in paragraph 1, and in the second paragraph, you use "a proper conversation" several times. For me the meaning of the word 'proper' is vague. What does that mean to you?
I look forward to learning more about you and reading more of your writing this term.
Cheers,
Brad